I hate myself when I remember . . . virtually everything. When I think about the utter failures of my life. And when I am reminded of the events that constituted incredible victories, I can only remember incidental failures that make me remember . . . that I hate myself. I hate myself no matter what I do.
Sometimes I think that my mind is a terrible mechanism of torture. It is a jailer who beats me brutally when I have been bad and when I have been good. And so it is miraculous that I continue to try at all.
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2 comments:
A number of us would miss you and your writings.
I too have bitter disdain toward myself when I reflect upon all of my failures. Especially if I perceive my failures to be self induced. I am saddened about poor relationship choices, I chose in the past, angry over the man I chose to father my daughter, the fact that I'm depressed as opposed to jovial, and the list goes on..
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